Are you a shy person? Does the thought of having a conversation make your stomach turn? That's okay, everyone is a little shy. This article may help you overcome most, if not all of your shyness.
Stop Being Shy
Miriam Lukindo - Gospel Singer from Tanzania
1. Diagnose your level of shyness.
Are you so shy that you're petrified to talk to anyone? Or are you only shy around people you don't know very well? It may be beneficial to ask friends (ones with which you're most comfortable) for their opinions.
2. Consider:
What do you want to change? Why? Are you bothered by a lack of social skills? Do you struggle with superficial conversations, showing your feelings, experience frequent awkward pauses in conversations, or other practical problems? Perhaps you manage to come across "normal"/sociable enough, but still wish you didn't always feel uncomfortable & insecure. And ask yourself how much you really want to change—not everyone is OR can be extroverted. Don't waste efforts comparing yourself to others. Don't tell yourself that you should be like them. This is simply negative reinforcement, which will only make you feel like you are different, alone, & in extreme cases, even inferior. The fact is, everyone falls *somewhere* on the dimensional theories of personality, in regards to shyness/introversion versus extroversion.
3. Put yourself out there.
This seems obvious—the best way to meet people is to actively seek places out where you can meet people! Go to the Fall Dance party at your school or the office Christmas get together. Try to meet at least one person by the end of the night. Find the local Open Mic & read some poetry you wrote in your college days.
4. Be approachable.
Would you approach somebody with a sour expression on their face, or their head down on their desk? Not likely. Looking at your shoes will get you nowhere—there is always the risk of giving people the impression you're stuck up. Try a small confident smile & look the person in the eyes.
5. Practice Talking.
Even though this may sound strange-stand in front of a mirror or close your eyes; imagine yourself talking to someone. Feel free to talk out loud, despite peoples looks.
6. Take "Small Steps.
" You can't rush into anything-raising expectations too high will only make you more nervous & shy. By telling yourself repeatedly that you are a failure, you will, indeed, experience the joys of a self-fulfilling prophesy in the form of failure! Try to make progress in small, easily broken down, & identifiable steps. This gives you something new to learn every time, & you can proudly keep track of progress. Keep doing things like having conversations, & things that are scary or hard. Do NOT try to speed up progress by attempting something too scary or too hard-this depends on your own personal level of shyness. As you get used to something, you can take the next step.
7. Focus Your Attention Outward, Not on Yourself.
This is one of the most important aspects of shyness & social phobia. Most introverts don't do this on purpose, but often, attention is consistently drawn to yourself during conversations. This makes you self-aware & keeps a vicious cycle rotating. Research has shown this may play a key role in why people might experience panic attacks after relatively mild anxious moments. Rather than noticing that you are being shy, or you may have said something embarrassing, try to take a light-hearted approach to perceived deficits, and most people will empathize-feeling connected as a human is easier than you might think! Always show interest in other people and/or the surroundings. You may feel like everyone is watching you, but generally, people are not judging you. Distorted perception is the culprit in this situation. Others are busy doing their own things and talking etc., and are not out to get you.(**)
8. Ask Your Friends to Introduce You to Their Friends.
Meeting people is a great way to overcome shyness. Although that may sound scatter-brained, it really isn't.
9. Showcase Your Talents.
For example, if you like art consider painting sets for a play. It will be easier to shine if you feel comfortable. On the other hand, don't be afraid to branch out and discover something new.
10. Be Sincere Compliments.
No need to be over the top. Some of the greatest conversations started with "I like your shirt. Did you get it at (store name)?"
11. Practice.
It makes perfect, doesn't it?
12. Change your shy looks.
Take a moment to look at yourself. Are you the kind of person who wears dark colors, always has a hood up, or wears dark make-up? In addition to making some people wary of you, this makes you very unapproachable.
Wear brighter clothes. Brighten up your wardrobe. Go from wearing blacks, reds, and blues to wearing greens, yellows and oranges. Pastels will give you a certain glow.
Wear brighter make-up. You'd be surprised by how much this helps your appearance, and will get more people talking to you.
Remember, you don't always have to change your look. You can just simply make your expression more friendly. Let the people know that its okay to talk you.
Stop Being Shy
Miriam Lukindo - Gospel Singer from Tanzania
1. Diagnose your level of shyness.
Are you so shy that you're petrified to talk to anyone? Or are you only shy around people you don't know very well? It may be beneficial to ask friends (ones with which you're most comfortable) for their opinions.
2. Consider:
What do you want to change? Why? Are you bothered by a lack of social skills? Do you struggle with superficial conversations, showing your feelings, experience frequent awkward pauses in conversations, or other practical problems? Perhaps you manage to come across "normal"/sociable enough, but still wish you didn't always feel uncomfortable & insecure. And ask yourself how much you really want to change—not everyone is OR can be extroverted. Don't waste efforts comparing yourself to others. Don't tell yourself that you should be like them. This is simply negative reinforcement, which will only make you feel like you are different, alone, & in extreme cases, even inferior. The fact is, everyone falls *somewhere* on the dimensional theories of personality, in regards to shyness/introversion versus extroversion.
3. Put yourself out there.
This seems obvious—the best way to meet people is to actively seek places out where you can meet people! Go to the Fall Dance party at your school or the office Christmas get together. Try to meet at least one person by the end of the night. Find the local Open Mic & read some poetry you wrote in your college days.
4. Be approachable.
Would you approach somebody with a sour expression on their face, or their head down on their desk? Not likely. Looking at your shoes will get you nowhere—there is always the risk of giving people the impression you're stuck up. Try a small confident smile & look the person in the eyes.
5. Practice Talking.
Even though this may sound strange-stand in front of a mirror or close your eyes; imagine yourself talking to someone. Feel free to talk out loud, despite peoples looks.
6. Take "Small Steps.
" You can't rush into anything-raising expectations too high will only make you more nervous & shy. By telling yourself repeatedly that you are a failure, you will, indeed, experience the joys of a self-fulfilling prophesy in the form of failure! Try to make progress in small, easily broken down, & identifiable steps. This gives you something new to learn every time, & you can proudly keep track of progress. Keep doing things like having conversations, & things that are scary or hard. Do NOT try to speed up progress by attempting something too scary or too hard-this depends on your own personal level of shyness. As you get used to something, you can take the next step.
7. Focus Your Attention Outward, Not on Yourself.
This is one of the most important aspects of shyness & social phobia. Most introverts don't do this on purpose, but often, attention is consistently drawn to yourself during conversations. This makes you self-aware & keeps a vicious cycle rotating. Research has shown this may play a key role in why people might experience panic attacks after relatively mild anxious moments. Rather than noticing that you are being shy, or you may have said something embarrassing, try to take a light-hearted approach to perceived deficits, and most people will empathize-feeling connected as a human is easier than you might think! Always show interest in other people and/or the surroundings. You may feel like everyone is watching you, but generally, people are not judging you. Distorted perception is the culprit in this situation. Others are busy doing their own things and talking etc., and are not out to get you.(**)
8. Ask Your Friends to Introduce You to Their Friends.
Meeting people is a great way to overcome shyness. Although that may sound scatter-brained, it really isn't.
9. Showcase Your Talents.
For example, if you like art consider painting sets for a play. It will be easier to shine if you feel comfortable. On the other hand, don't be afraid to branch out and discover something new.
10. Be Sincere Compliments.
No need to be over the top. Some of the greatest conversations started with "I like your shirt. Did you get it at (store name)?"
11. Practice.
It makes perfect, doesn't it?
12. Change your shy looks.
Take a moment to look at yourself. Are you the kind of person who wears dark colors, always has a hood up, or wears dark make-up? In addition to making some people wary of you, this makes you very unapproachable.
Wear brighter clothes. Brighten up your wardrobe. Go from wearing blacks, reds, and blues to wearing greens, yellows and oranges. Pastels will give you a certain glow.
Wear brighter make-up. You'd be surprised by how much this helps your appearance, and will get more people talking to you.
Remember, you don't always have to change your look. You can just simply make your expression more friendly. Let the people know that its okay to talk you.
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